I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
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We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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