if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
