where am i from again
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
