I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
