i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
