After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
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It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
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I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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