Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
