Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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