You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
