Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
