We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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