Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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