Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
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I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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