no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Rumble strips road head = magical
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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