Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
