I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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