I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
