Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
