New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
