it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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