he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
