apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
