I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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