So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
