when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
