Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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