"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
