i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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