idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
