No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
