So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
