i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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