I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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