I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
