This girl is more easily done than said...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
