they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
