Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
