Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
