I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
