i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
