I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
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Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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