I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
