Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize