Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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