i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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