Porn is love you can see.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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