Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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