so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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