I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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