you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
