I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
