The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
