between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him just for his dog
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize