he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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