Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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