Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
