1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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