two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
