cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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