Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
