remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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