we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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