Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
