you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
