Its about making memories worth repressing
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
