I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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